Friday, March 18, 2011

second half

today began the first day of the second half of the intensives. I had been with one of my previous teachers from India last night and was full of awe at my spiritual/ healing path and all of the unexpected turns. I was so moved to be in the presence of Rama Mata and yet it was so clear that Ana is the right now teacher for me. I got and returned a smile and hello with her this am in the hall of BByoga. It is a very different paradigm than the guru paradigm. She is a human being walking a healing path and happens to be ahead of me. The guru paradigm was such a mind twister for so long that I'm barely able to begin to unwind it....they are saints and enlightened and everything they say is for the good of all....not my thing anymore...thank GOD. I do believe in spiritually evolved humans. I also prefer to be around those who are not in shadow and lies around power, sexuality and money.

being a martyr, also not my thing. I was so profoundly moved in my deepest core this am when Ana spoke a teaching story only about two weeks old. The essence of the story was this; it is ok to value your life more than someone else's. To feel the preciousness of your vision and self and be willing to protect that. Through catholicism and yoga (sorry to say) I have cultivated and had to unwind a perversion of healthy self esteem that is contorted into becoming what Ana calls a "sacrificial whore":) making everyone else more important than myself. Having taken the name Karuna about 16 years ago, being so moved by the teachings on compassion, I wonder where I will end up when I continue to evolve on this path of integration. what does compassion look like when one is also deeply caring, even willing to fight for one's self.

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